Secure Attachment
Secure attachment is a relationship pattern marked by comfort with intimacy and autonomy — trusting that others can be available while also feeling okay on your own.
Definition
Secure attachment describes a balanced way of relating: you can seek support when needed, tolerate distance without panic, and maintain a stable sense of self-worth in relationships. It is shaped by consistent early caregiving and later relationships, and many people can move toward greater security over time. Adult attachment screens such as the ECR-R and ECR-S measure anxiety and avoidance dimensions rather than labeling “secure” as a single score, but low anxiety and low avoidance together are consistent with a more secure profile.
What it can feel like
- Feeling comfortable depending on a partner and also being depended on.
- Recovering from conflict without fearing the relationship is ending.
- Sharing feelings without extreme fear of rejection.
- Enjoying closeness without feeling smothered.
Related screening tests on LuriaLab
- Experiences in Close Relationships – Revised (ECR-R)
- Experiences in Close Relationships – Short Form (ECR-S)
Related articles
Related glossary terms
Frequently asked questions
Can I become more securely attached as an adult?
Yes. Supportive relationships, therapy, and self-awareness can increase felt security even if early experiences were insecure.
Does a low ECR score mean I am securely attached?
Lower attachment anxiety and avoidance are consistent with a more secure pattern, but a screen is not a diagnosis or a complete relationship assessment.
Is secure attachment the same as never having conflict?
No. Securely attached people still disagree; they tend to repair conflict and stay connected more easily.
Sources
- Bowlby J, Ainsworth M. Attachment theory
- Fraley RC, et al. Experiences in Close Relationships — Revised (ECR-R)